I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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