Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
