The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
