im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
