the condom got lost in my hair
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
