I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
