Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
