my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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