I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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