So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
