Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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