I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
