4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
