haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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