and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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