why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
