All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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