Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
