you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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