As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
