i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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