you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
