I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
