maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
