Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
