drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
