Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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