you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
