then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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