I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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