I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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