Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
