News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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