We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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