my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
