She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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