I smell stomach acid.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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