Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
