Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
