Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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