Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
