It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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