She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
