I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
