You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
