You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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