How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
