we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
