spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
