Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
