Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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