when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize