I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize