he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
