rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
