gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
