She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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