Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
