Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
