I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
