i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
