god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
