I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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