All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
