Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
