Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
