Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
