mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
